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2001-06-11 - 3:05 p.m.

My shoulders hurt and my body feels heavy, and I'd forgotten what this felt like, sinking down deep, stomach tied up in knots, waiting and watching for things you have no control over. I moved halfway across the country to avoid feeling like this, and while it's better, I suppose it never goes away.

And is it worth it, I wonder? I may never know.

Some people are on antidepressants, or in therapy, but I go running. I got up early, 5:40 am, after a sleepless night, waking suddenly at 2 am, not even sure if I'd been asleep at all...I thought it would be dark, and that I would be scared (the homeless people are the only ones up, shouldering their belongings and moving on their way), but did you know that the sky starts to lighten around 6 am, which is when I was sufficiently hydrated and stretched to make it outside? It does, and the streets were deserted, and the shops were closed, and at times it felt like I was the only person in Austin.

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